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Top 10 Reasons To Avoid The Asheville Mall This Holiday Season

In this issue of Insider Asheville, a monthly feature here at AshevilleBlog, I drop a deuce on the corporate entities that feed off the good people of Asheville. Don’t get me wrong; the big box and little box stores at the Mall aren’t all bad. Most aren’t even evil. The Mall employs a lot of people, even if they are mostly minimum-wage jobs, and the Mall management only occasionally practices racial profiling.

On the bright side, maybe not all the stores are owned by corporations that send their profits to other towns. Surely there has to be one or two in the mix, not counting those annoying carts that take up valuable hallway real estate, although I couldn’t find one. So with this context in mind, I humbly list the top 10 reasons to stay away from the Asheville Mall this year. In fact, you should move all your business to downtown Asheville. You may pay a little more, especially in parking, but you’ll be supporting a locally owned business. And you’ll likely find way more creative gifts.

And now on to the list:

10. Mall cops — ’nough said

9. The traffic around the Mall won’t move until after New Year’s

8. Barnes & Noble has removed all its chairs in an effort to keep its customers from loitering

7. You’ll find more Coca Cola machines than water fountains in the Mall

6. There are way more places to have your hair done than there are to buy a DVD

5. You can get a sweet roll, a pretzel or a cookie, but good luck finding a salad without iceberg lettuce

4. Despite ample parking, there are no free spaces from now until after Christmas

3. There’s actually a store called As Seen on TV Plus

2. Old Navy vs. Army Career Center — no matter who wins, we all lose

And the best reason to avoid the Asheville Mall this holiday season:

1. Victoria’s Secret is … Planned Parenthood

Look for more Insider Asheville blogs in the coming months.

About Mark Bloom

Mark is a freelance writer, editor, and videographer who has spent his life playing with words and pictures. He used to think tourists were “endlessly entertaining,” but lately their driving habits have tested his patience. He writes on every subject from parking in Asheville to choosing SEO keywords. He edits fiction and nonfiction. He produces website content, including video. He’s lived in Asheville for ten years, which means he’s a third of the way to being considered a local. You can reach Mark at markhenrybloom@gmail.com or through his professional website at rayaccess.com.

One comment

  1. markhenrybloom@gmail.com'

    Can you do better? What are YOUR best reasons to avoid the Asheville Mall this season? Trouble relating to listless teenagers who travel in packs? The fashions touted as “the latest thing?” Tell me; I want to know!

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