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15 Reasons To Not Have Children

I know I know, children are the greatest thing since sliced bread. Well, now that I think about it, since kids were around before sliced bread, would that make them the best things… ever? I digress.

Not everyone wants to be a parent – and that is perfectly ok. Sometimes individuals may feel the nee to defend their childless choices, since getting married and raising children is ‘the thing to do’, especially here in the South. We’ve come up with some true, amusing, and tongue in cheek excuses to not have kids, for you parentless readers to enjoy. Have any other reasons to be child free? Discuss it with us in the comments!

1. You will never have to worry about hiring a babysitter


2. You can randomly jet off on a vacation with your significant other


3. Christmas and other holidays won’t turn into ‘The-quest-for-the-latest-and-greatest-must-have-children’s-toy’


4. You will never have to experience childbirth


5. You won’t have to learn ‘New Math’ aka Common Core in order to help your grade school child complete his/her homework


6. No poopy diapers. ‘Nuff said


7. Do you want to move? You won’t have to worry about researching public school zones
Moving boxes in kitchen.


8. Drink. A lot or a little, and never have to worry about a hangover AND a demanding child the morning after


9. You will not be forced to passively learn the theme song to every kid’s cartoon on the TV


8. No Chuck-E-Cheese, ever


9. The only vomit you will ever have to clean up is your own


10. You will never accidentally step on a Lego barefoot


12. You can put that $214,080 you would spend raising a child towards a house. Or a boat.


13. You won’t ever have to own a mini van (unless you want to)


14. You can go on rides intended for people taller than 48″


15. You don’t have to worry about the pitter patter of little feet as you and your significant other *ahem* get it on. If you know what I mean

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  1. ewind428@gmail.com'

    Just have to say having a child I see these as funny, but oh the joys of having a child really are what they say too. You may be just being selfish per all these reasons.

  2. cleangreenasheville@gmail.com'

    My partner and I do not want to have children. We enjoy our freedom and having the time and energy to nurture our relationship. If that makes us selfish- we will embrace the title with smiles on our faces 🙂

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