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Asheville Bar Fly
Photo by Mike Lewinski | Flickr

Introducing the Asheville Bar Fly

Hello sweet, lovely, fellow semi conscious almost always hungover kindred spirits in a rocks glass!  I am your voluptuous, rowdy, randy and almost always tipsy friend the Asheville Bar Fly!  A sparkly, glittery half drunk version of course, but not one that will be easily pigeon holed.  My persona is about as ADD as my focus on the task at hand… just know that you are loved, you are important and you will be a more informed drunk each week after our session.   The back wash of the back story begins long ago in a bar room far away.

One of my very first memories on this planet was pouring a beer for my uncle Billy from the tap in his billiards room out in Denver, Colorado in 198-something.  I was the only female in a room full of cowboy boot clad, pipe smoking transplants from Brooklyn NY.  Part Joey Soprano, part Cisco kid.

So these days formed my little life… from then on it has been one big party!  With just a splash of drama and intrigue.

Yes, I have been a bartender, an event coordinator, a server, a concert goer, a drunk chick puking in a bush outside. It is safe to say that from coast to coast I make myself comfortable next to the socialite or the social miscreant. But enough about me… this little fun series is not about me!  It’s about you… it’s about us, it’s about our livers and the amazing steps we take to destroy it on the streets of Asheville!!   So grab a local brew, a mojito, a sour, a vodka tonic or even, gasp, a PBR. Let’s get down about the nightlife in this town. (11am if you are new here)

If you are a bar keep or venue owner reading this weekly, just think of it as friendly feedback. Bars are like sex to me, even when it is bad it is still good – so don’t get your martini’s in a bunch. I really will find the great in even the most questionable situation. I promise I can laugh at myself if you can do the same!

Here in this fine city the amount of nightspots, breweries, pubs, grills, bars, taprooms, tapas bars, dance clubs and piano bars has nearly doubled, and will continue to do so as other areas of Asheville are uncovered and discovered.  Stay humble as you open your doors. You never know when I am going to pop in for a cold one!  Sometimes I will be solo, as I like to travel alone, however from time to time I will invite along some pub crawling partners in crime!!!

For each article, the places we choose will be rated on the following criteria on a scale from 1-5 Barflies

First Impressions– Is it a mall sports bar?  Fancy Schamancy hotel loungy?  Cruise Ship?  Lynard Skynard? Home Sweet Home?  The type will present itself before you reach the bar. We all have our favorites, but as I mentioned before, many a grand time has been at the brass covered monstrosity in the lobby of the Holiday Inn..

Bartender– The bartender is the star of the show at any establishment and as such they play a role like an actor in a play.  The bartender conveys the tone of the bar or pub, they set the structure of behavior for others to follow. With your bartender remember- respect is given NOT EARNED.  You are being interviewed by them. Yes, I put the bartender on a pedestal first.  Humble yourself before them. Before you start bashing your bartender have a few drinks and watch them interact with other customers, with your drink order, and with the other staff. Just because they failed to quickly deliver doesn’t mean they suck for all eternity. However, once we realize that they have not only given up on bar tending but on life itself?  Settle Up!

The Drinks– Beer served cold?  Good Pour? Clean glass, boozy enough drink?  Yes I have spent a lot of time in a bar but I will not be breaking down the alcohol contents of the beer or picking out the note of bacon in the IPA.  I am not a beer or cocktail snob. I am the chick that mixed Koolaide and slow gin in a bucket with grapes and called it a dinner party. This is going to be pure opinion. If you serve me a margarita in a piping hot glass straight out of the dishwasher, it will be noted.   xoxo

The Bathrooms

  • Ladies Room- I could pass out cold in here and sleep like a baby
  • Ladies DOOM!   – Jenny, Jenny I dialed your number to get me the Hell out of here!!   Forget 8675309
  • This Powder Room needs 911
  • Pub Food (if applicable)
  • Clientele
  • Misc undiscovered categories which might include tourist count and hipster equivalent. I love both and will poke fun equally!!

Join me next week as I give you the lowdown on The Asheville Music Hall and The Buffalo Nickel!!!!   CHEERS!!!

About Asheville Bar Fly

Hello sweet, lovely, fellow semi conscious almost always hungover kindred spirits in a rocks glass! I am your voluptuous, rowdy, randy and almost always tipsy friend the Asheville Bar Fly! A sparkly, glittery half drunk version of course, but not one that will be easily pigeon holed. My persona is about as ADD as my focus on the task at hand… just know that you are loved, you are important and you will be a more informed drunk each week after our session.

One comment

  1. xiaoxiaomao666@gmail.com'

    It’s Sloe gin.

    Amateur.

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