Perhaps we have Valentine’s Day all backwards. And because we have it backwards, it makes us go sideways. And then we fall down. And we can’t get up.
What’s so backwards about this lovey-dovey day?
It’s just so hard to get it right. Instead of February 14 being a perfect day just as it is, it’s got hype. It has built-in expectations. It’s got over-the-top fantasy and pressure-filled, anxiety ridden “GIVE me this, DO that, TAKE me here, SAY this…” to show me that you love me.
Calling all humans! Take it easy for heaven’s sake! Valentine’s Day is a made up day. It’s COMMERCIAL, don’t cha know? In my family, one day a long time ago, we sat down and talked about holidays. We made a conscious decision not to take holidays — ANY holiday– very seriously. We made a family decision not to follow mainstream mass consciousness about this subject and you know what?
We like it.
We give presents when we want to, because we’re feeling generous in that moment and it feels natural. It feels free and right and fun. And sometimes gift-giving, card writing and expressing love coincides with a holiday, and sometimes it doesn’t. We just roll with it. This is what works for us. Just sayin’….
If Valentine’s Day is an excuse to love each other more, then how fabulous is that! Good for you. Celebrate your heart out! Do little things. Big things. Sweet things.
Especially, slooooow down. Take more time. Stop the presses, even just a little bit. Look into the eyes of your loved ones. Appreciate them. Take extra time to brush your daughter’s hair. Make something extra delicious for dinner. Pet your furry friend longer than usual. Give your son a high five. Hug your partner for a while. Hold hands. Pay attention to when love happens! Be extra aware of love moments, sweet words, caring gestures. Let love into your heart.
Now… doesn’t that feel better?
Try this. Stand still in love. Do nothing about it. Just feel it. Stop what you’re doing and close your eyes and feel love. I just did a few moments ago, right here in my home with no one around, not even my dog. Being in love, feeling love, experiencing love feels heavenly. I doubt if I’m going too far out on a limb here when I say that Valentine’s Day (or any day) could (always) handle a little more heavenly.
Because I study men and women and relationships, I have talked to many, many, MANY men in my life. I love men. I listen to men. I trust men. Did you know that Valentine’s Day for men is (hands down) the most dreaded day of the year? This is called a clue.
If Valentine’s Day is stressful — well, that is not so much fun on a day that is supposed to be all about love. Why not make a conscious decision to rethink this day?
You can do this.
Start over completely.
Make Valentine’s Day about YOU loving. How do you love? How do you enjoy giving love? If your girlfriend or wife doesn’t understand your version of love, teach her. Show her the ropes. Because she loves you, she’ll get it. And this, my friends, makes the world a better place.
Don’t make the (dreaded) day about the right way to love, when to love, how much to love, or did that person receive my love? Don’t worry about how to show the twinkle in your eye. Just go ahead and twinkle. Don’t worry about whether it’s received “correctly.” Play more! Be yourself. Show love YOUR way, just for fun, and because you can. Make Valentine’s Day about YOU loving however you love.
So BE the love, people, BE THE LOVE. This makes every day a love day.
Ahhh, now isn’t that better? Love is so simple. And freedom is a very good thing.
Terri Crosby is a relationship mentor. Since the 80’s she has helped women and men create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with one another. She is committed to joy, evolution and freedom. She lives on a mountain in Hendersonville and works with clients all over the Asheville area. 714-240-4889. www.InCareOfRelationships.com